Here's my newest poem, hope you hate it.
I wrote this for my girlfriend, but I want to get some critiques for fine-tuning before I give it to her.

"Anuptaphobia"

"Of words and phrase, I am absolute.
Vocabulary I command like a general,
And imagery answers my salute.
Yet my armies have scattered at your call,
My steeds, turned sheep, do bray and ewe,
As I dare fathom the depths of you.

Regret devours my soul as I flail at these phrases
How can my mouth not utter what my heart screams?
Am I able to contain its lunatic craze?
Or will it melt away, and leave bitter dreams?

Calcified, my efforts sink to the floor
Oh raven-haired queen of leprechaun-kind
I can resist your charms no more
My heart gouges its eyes ‘till blind.

Please, beautiful torturer of my soul,
I demand no mercy, Leniency is declined.
I am but half; and I seek to be whole
I beg to complete this fractional life.

With this, my forces are in disarray.
Unguarded, you’ve seen everything I hide;
For you, my heart is on display.
Take from me this solitude; your love is my pride.
My soul trembles with the sigh of your breath,
Quakes to irides the color of days at their deaths"

I like it. The only thing I could find is that the last line (or maybe it's the last couple of lines?) feels heavy. That is, it's too long. It seems to destroy the rhythm that had been so strong up until that point. Maybe you should try breaking some of the last few lines in half?

I don't know. It's a great poem, I'm just not sure the end is as strong as the rest of it, rhythmically speaking. It's all very well-written.

Thanks.

I had some serious trouble with the whole last verse, to be honest. I wrote the first four at once, and the last one I had to wrestle with myself over two days later. I can definitely sense a difference in tone overall, especially since I wrote the body at a time when we weren't courting, but I desperately wanted to be, and finished it after we'd mutually moved into a romantic relationship.

I'll try to rework the last two lines, I just want to keep the pattern at all costs. (IE 6 lines, 4 lines, 4 lines, 4 lines, 6 lines)

MKII

Of words and phrase, I am absolute.
Vocabulary I command like a general,
And imagery answers my salute.
Yet my armies have scattered at your call,
My steeds, turned sheep, do bray and ewe,
As I dare fathom the depths of you.

Regret devours my soul as I flail at these phrases
How can my mouth not utter what my heart screams?
Am I able to contain its lunatic craze?
Or will it melt away, and leave bitter dreams?

Calcified, my efforts sink to the floor
Oh raven-haired queen of leprechaun-kind
I can resist your charms no more
My heart gouges its eyes ‘till blind.

Please, beautiful torturer of my soul,
I demand no mercy, Leniency is declined.
I am but half; and I seek to be whole
I beg to complete this fractional life.

My forces are in disarray.
You’ve seen everything I hide;
For you, my heart is displayed.
To know your love is my pride.
My soul trembles with the sigh of your breath;
Irides the color of days at their death

I like it!

I love how this poem turned out, but now I hate it because this relationship, like all my others, went the way of "Binary" these days.

"Why is love so painful?
Why do we always lose?
Paving pathways for the lost,
The bitter and recluse?"